In The Daily Stoic, by @ryanholiday , Ryan shares this profound insight from Epictetus: “The beautiful and good person neither fights with anyone nor, as much as they are able, permits others to fight...this is the meaning of getting an education - learning what is your own affair and what is not. If a person carries themselves so, where is there any room for fighting?” - Epictetus, Discourses, 4.5.1; 7b-8a
It challenges us to let go of the petulant stranglehold we have on BE RIGHT, by pursuing and cultivating our own affairs.
According to Dr. Stephen Karpman, at the very root of all drama, there exists three primary characters: victim, rescuer and persecutor. One cannot exist without the other. In fact each bids and actively pursues planted roots in each. In this case, I’ll refer to the “be right”role and characterization of the persecutor. Their need to be right and to be seen above another is a role well played. The persecutor looks for very little opportunity for another person to rise above, or to shine bright in contrast to their own persona. In fact, they will actively seek out moments where their superiority can be displayed ands dominion over another can be had.
Seems like more and more these days we find the option for “be right” in play as a choice, and sometimes tasty option in navigating the human dynamic. It’s an easy path and one that doesn’t require much thought or innovation. Restraint, it asks for none, and for someone with the need for visibility, it is a savory tool.
Time wasted and significance cast by the wayside. You see, there’s really little time for this sort of non-sense. If we understand the potential impact and influence we have as human beings on one another, we should find very little time to self serve in a war of wit and words. I have been a time waster, and a non-foster for others when I have fallen into this trap. It’s an easy one to lose sight in and certainly has a whipsaw ego opportunity to it as well.
The older I get, the more I realize that life is full of vibrancy. The reverence I feel for other’s struggles, and their path, is a reminder to me of the thinly veiled connection we each have with one another. Differences subside. Hope and gratitude surface. Cheering rather than chiding provides a more lasting providence.
When we are free to focus forward, a simple yet profound call to action might be to STOP WAITING FOR PERMISSION to do the things that bring you joy!
Joy is the fruit of abundant service. Joy supplants victimhood and persecution. Joy is the deep emotion felt as when our desire for happiness aligns our heart, mind and body in service to a common good.
Drama doesn’t have to be an option. “Be right” is a choice. Learning to LET IT GO, is a practice.
Remember that growth is always a choice.
Until next week my friends, make it a great one, and remember to always...HONOR.THE.GIFT.
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